Facing Loss and Giving Thanks

As senior missionaries, we are not immune to the challenges and losses that face all families. Sometimes the challenges are expected and sometimes they come suddenly. In our case, it was a little of both as I found out that my mother had passed away from a heart attack. She had been in poor health for the last few years, so the news didn't come as a complete shock, but we had been hoping that she could hang on long enough for us to see her again after our mission. 

As you can tell by the date of this post, it has taken me a while to get back to blogging about our mission. The reason for this lies partly in the fact that we have been very busy during the Christmas season, but frankly I think the main reason is that I didn't know how to put my feelings into words. I am ready now and I would like to start with a tribute to my mom. 

In many ways, my mom, Lori Neely helped to prepare me to serve. When I was a young girl, she and my dad actively looked for a church that they could raise their family in. They visited several different denominations, including the church my mom's family had attended as well as my dad's family church, but none of them was the right fit. It was when they saw an advertisement for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with the message, "Family, it's about time" that they decided to contact the missionaries and learn more. From that time, until the day she died, she was a faithful member of the church. Her testimony of the Savior was rock solid, as she had been blessed by a sacred experience that had given her comfort and joy and a knowledge that the Lord knew her and loved her. The love she felt was so evident in her last few years of life. She had a change in her countenance that was undeniable. This change helped my Dad as he cared for her in her declining health. Each time she would talk to her children or grandchildren, she would express her love for us and her joy for life. 

I got the call from my brother telling me Mom had died on the morning of Sunday, November 22. That afternoon we were scheduled to go to a Thanksgiving dinner that was being hosted by the youth of our ward along with the Beck and Gardener families. We told the senior missionaries, along with President and Sister Peterson what had happened as we rode to the Beck's house, but I thought it would be better if we didn't share the news just yet with the youth and families. What a blessing it was to be surrounded by so many good people, sharing what we were thankful for, talking, laughing, and playing games. I know it is just what mom would have wanted. 

At the end of the evening, we all put a leaf on the gratitude tree. I held back my tears as I put my leaf up which simply said, "I'm thankful for my mom."

The days following the Thanksgiving dinner would be busy ones, filled with many challenges as we tried to figure out how to help my dad and the rest of my family plan the funeral while I was half a world away.  There were so many angels who stepped in just when we needed it and I felt so blessed at every step  The bishop of my dad's ward stepped in right away to offer to conduct the funeral services. My siblings all rallied around my dad, each taking their own part in planning the funeral and helping with the arrangements. I found that I could help by gathering all of the photos of my mom to use for her obituary, for the funeral, and to share with family members. When my dad told his best friend Clem that he wasn't sure what to do, Clem told him he would make a list of everything that needed to be done, from arranging the burial site to getting the obituary published and everything in between. Clem is a cop and has helped many people through the process. My dad thanked him and asked if he could come and get the list. Clem told him that he didn't need to because the two of them were going to go together to do everything on the list. It touched my heart that someone could be there for dad even when I couldn't.

I was the only sibling that did not attend the funeral in person, but with the blessing of technology I was able to be there via Zoom, along with other family members from all parts of the world. It was such a blessing to be able to talk to Dad, to listen to the loving tributes, to offer my own words, and to watch the slide show with pictures of my mom that was set to some of her favorite songs. 

In the days following the funeral service, I have thought a lot about mom's life and her influence on me. I never doubted that she loved me and I have always been grateful for that. This is what I would like to pass along to my kids and grandkids, just as one generation passes the baton on to the next.

“You're going back?" asked Bod. Things that had been immutable were changing. "You're really leaving? But. You're my guardian."

"I was your guardian. But you are old enough to guard yourself. I have other things to protect.”

— Neil Gaiman

There has been a changing of the guard in our family, and now it is my turn to be the matriarch. I need to consider what lessons I want to leave my family. How can I best prepare them for the challenges they will face in the future? What can I do to give them an example of a life well-lived?

Our apartment is fairly close to the Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial, which is a famous national monument surrounded by beautiful gardens and fish ponds. It is flanked on either side by the National Theater and the National Concert Hall. Inside the memorial stands a large statue of a smiling Chiang Kai-Shek, former president of the Republic of China (the official name of Taiwan). He is remembered for having fought against communism. Every hour there is a ceremonial changing of the guard. It is full of pomp and is a symbolic gesture of the transfer of responsibility for the security of the monument from the old to the new guard.  About a week before my mother passed away, we went to the memorial to watch the ceremony.

The changing of the guard has occurred and I am reflecting on my own mortality. What can I change about myself, what can I repent of to become the person I want to become. There are some things I wish I had done differently with my mom. I wish I had asked more questions, I wish I had listened more. 

I remember one incident that happened a few years before she died that fills me with regret. I had gone up for a visit in July and the three of us, my mom and dad and I, had all gone to church together. It was a fast Sunday so members of the congregation were bearing their testimonies. I had a prompting from the Holy Spirit that I should go up and share my testimony, but I ignored the prompting because I was being shy. After the meeting, my mom told me that she wished I had gone up so she could hear me express my testimony to the members of her ward. I regretted letting my mom down and not listening to the Spirit, but I would like to repent now by expressing my testimony.

I know that the Savior lives. I know that He loves us. He is our Good Shepherd and he shepherded my mom through her transition from mortality to immortality. I am in Taiwan, half a world away from my family, so that I can bring people to Christ to help them find the peace and joy that comes through knowing Him. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet, and he restored the gospel to the earth. I know there is a prophet on the earth today, Russell M. Nelson, who leads and guides us, just as the prophets of old. I believe that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and that it is another testament of Jesus Christ along with the Bible. I believe in the plan of salvation, that great plan of happiness that gives us perspective on the nature of life and our identity as children of God.  Because of this knowledge, I have the comfort of knowing that I will see my mother again because I have been sealed to her in the holy temple of God. Families are forever. Just like that ad my parents had seen so many years ago, I know that family is about time. The time we invest in our families now will reap benefits later as their testimonies grow and as we become an eternal family. I will see my mom again in the afterlife, of that I am certain. Until then, I will honor her by serving the Lord here in this corner of His vineyard.

Last night, we held our monthly Recent Convert Fireside, in which new members of the church are invited to tell their story of conversion and to share their testimony. Musical numbers are performed between each of three talks and then the Mission President concludes with a talk. This month he focused on the love of Jesus Christ, which seemed so perfect. It's a mission tradition to end the evening with all of the missionaries singing a song called "Amazing Grace- My Chains Are Gone." The lyrics of this beautiful song remind me of my mother and each time we sing it I will think of her love and the changing of the guard.

My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love
Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God who called me here below
Will be forever mine, will be forever…

Here it is sung by BYU's acapella group Noteworthy

Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone

                      I love you, Mom!  

Update:

On January 4, 2020, a few hours after this blog article was originally posted, Rick's brother, Greg Campbell, tragically passed away from Covid-19. We love you, Greg and we will miss you. 

Because of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and Resurrection, “the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ. He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death” (Mosiah 16:8—9). We will all be resurrected and can be with our families and loved ones again. In the meantime, we can find hope and healing in the love of Jesus Christ.